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As a refresher, before we dive into your Twelve Directives, I thought I’d share your Mantra of Total Self-Appreciation again. That way, you won’t need to go looking for it if you haven’t yet noted it down somewhere/printed it out…

“Though easy to recognize the things I’m not,

Today, I adore all the gifts that I’ve got,

I’m loving, I’m caring, my feelings are deep,

Not a simple swimming pool but a vast blue sea,

I’m passionate, creative, alive in my mind,

Some days, my ideas just cannot be confined,

I was never made to be like everyone else,

Not a decorative ornament to sit on the shelf,

I was made to be, to do, to change, to take up space,

And with a little love and faith, I know I’ll find my place,

Come hell or high water, I appreciate you,

I choose to give you care; I start anew.”

(Don’t forget to speak the Mantra to your reflection in the mirror with your hands clasped together, holding each other.)

Now, let’s explore my carefully-crafted Directives, honed over years of psychological and spiritual research…

YOUR TWELVE DIRECTIVES OF SELF-LOVE 

1. Nobody does it all, even if you think they do – There’s not a person on this earth who’s never had a bad day. Most adults feel like they’re spinning too many plates at once, and one is constantly falling, so it’s ever on to the next disaster. Nobody does it all. Don’t feel bad about yourself when you can’t, either.
2. Sometimes, self-care is boundaries, not baths – Engaging in self-care is a radical act of self-love. But self-care doesn’t always look like running a bubble bath! Sometimes, caring for yourself means setting a firm boundary with a toxic friend and protecting your emotions. (Though you could do this and then run the bath to cover every base.)
3. No matter the size, a win is a win – There are a million and one ways to celebrate your life, including the minutia that might seem tedious or menial to anyone else. You’re not anyone else. Big or small, reward yourself for the successes you achieve.
4. It’s okay to strive for neutrality as a baseline – Feeling neutral about your body or personality can seem like a much more attainable goal, especially in the early stages of your self-love journey. And that’s okay! Even having the strength to rid something of negative energy and let it be neutral is incredibly powerful. 
5. Self-love doesn’t happen overnight – Self-love is a process, and it’s easy to get frustrated when you accept that you need to change your self-concept but can’t seem to make it happen “fast enough.” Be patient, stay calm, and know that if you’re challenging even one moment of negative self-talk per day, you’re making amazing progress that’ll pay off in the long run.
6. You can show self-love through charity – Acts of giving, volunteering, and charity might seem far removed from the internally focused concept of self-love. In fact, the more you do in this area, the more you’ll find to love about yourself.
7. Don’t worry so much about independence – Seek to build a trusting, loving community of people around you rather than building walls to maintain self-sufficiency at every turn. Lose touch forever with the toxic idea that you only have value because you can be helpful to others or “go it alone.”
8. Never buy into the idea that you can’t love others until you love yourself – Some people love others so much that they don’t have any time or space left to love themselves. This becomes destructive, leads to burnout, and helps nobody. On the other hand, some people are inspired to love themselves and be more generous to their inner child when a caring, adoring loved one does this for them first.
9. The cruelest people are often beset by internal suffering – When you struggle to get your head around why someone has treated you poorly and feel unsure of how to let it go, remember this. Rise above, and wish them a better tomorrow. 
10. Social media is a highlight reel almost 100% of the time – Social media is one of the biggest enemies of self-love because it presents countless opportunities to compare your worst, least interesting days to the best, most exciting days in other people’s lives. Keep that perspective. Don’t take it to heart.
11. Self-love is an ongoing practice, and you must continue to invest – Self-love isn’t a tap that you can turn on and leave on until you so choose to turn it off. If you forget to actively care about who you are and live authentically to your deep innermost needs, your progress will be impacted, and you’ll wind up back at square one in terms of your self-image. 
12. Give yourself perspective through distance – If you’re beating yourself up over a mistake or a poorly-handled conversation, try to advise yourself and reconcile things like you would if a friend came to you and said they’d done what you have.

Return to these Directives regularly. 

Let them sink into your mind to the point where they have been wholly memorized and absorbed (even if not in direct, quotable verbiage). 

And don’t forget,        , that you’ll also have your FREE Post-Conflict Emotional Reset Ritual to turn to if things get dicey and you’re tempted to return to old, shrinking patterns of behavior…

YOUR POST-CONFLICT EMOTIONAL RESET RITUAL

1. Head to the space where you feel most safe and comfortable. (For most, this will be their bed, their living room sofa, or somewhere similarly cozy.)
2. Ensure you’re wearing comfortable, loose clothing and covered in some form of blanket/duvet/bedspread.
3. Lay down in your chosen space. Bring your blanket/duvet/bedspread right up to your neck so that only your head is outside of it, and then close your eyes. 
4. Play some instrumental music, or lay in total silence. Whichever feels more comfortable for your unique needs.
5. Breathe deeply into the moment, reminding yourself that you’re free of whatever conflict was brewing before. Reminding yourself that here, nothing can touch you.
6. Whisper, calmly and softly: I breathe out the momentary and forget the temporary. I center my soul. I find my perspective.
7. Breathe deeply into the moment again. Repeat those whispered sentences as often as you need to before they genuinely sink in. Before you feel the Emotional Reset beginning.
8. When the Reset does begin, fall silent and place your palms over your heart inside your soft cocoon. 
9. Wait five minutes, then rise slowly and gently to continue about your day.

That’s all there is to it,        . I’ve now shared three offerings that I think will combine perfectly to make you into a person capable of deep self-appreciation and soul adoration. 

Here’s to leaving personality-suppressing childhood experiences where they belong – in the past…

Your loving friend,